When it comes to self-improvement, you are offered advice from every angle on how you should be living your life. From Dr. Phil to Tony Robbins, down to YouTubers and influencers telling you the secret to a wealthy life. There’s a plethora of guides, blog posts and videos on how to become the best version of yourself.
The titles of self-help books all seem to provide answers to some of life’s biggest questions: How To Win Friends And Influence People, Think and Grow Rich, The Art of Exceptional Living, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I Will Teach You To Be Rich, Awaken the Giant Within, The Art of Happiness; the list of books with encouraging titles is virtually infinite. The promise is always a pathway to success.
But at the same time, there are thousands, if not millions, of people who end up in the gutter. With so many books that can get and keep you on the straight and narrow, why do some still go astray? Why do people choose to fuck up their life?
Why Would You Fuck Up Your Life?
The self is more motivated to avoid bad self-definitions than to pursue good ones. In everyday life, bad events have greater power than good events. Think of traumas, relationships that end in painful ways, lack of achievement, or parents who raise their children poorly. We also interpret bad information more thoroughly than good information. We remember insults better than compliments. Negative emotions last a lot longer than joy.
The brain is more attuned to identifying evil, which has kept us vigilant against danger ever since we were cavemen and women. These days we don’t have to worry as much about poisonous snakes and predators, but we have replaced them with other dangers. It still pays off to think about bad choices and where they will lead. After all, the brain is better at avoiding than pursuing.
So what if instead of giving well-intentioned advice, we start giving anti-advice? Will we be able to learn from other people’s mistakes and make sure we don’t fall for the same pitfalls?
This article is written with a cynical undertone, you have been warned. Each paragraph will end with a tip that will bring you a little closer to the abyss. Following my advice is at your own risk!
How To Become A Homeless Drug Addict
Everyone knows of a few roaming their city: homeless drug addicts. In some cities – looking at you USA – it’s quite a few more than a few. To me, these people seem to have reached the very bottom of a humane existence.
How did these people end up in this predicament of sleeping on the streets and having to beg for a few pennies to eat, sleep and get another high? It is often a concatenation of poor choices and a major setback that seems impossible to overcome.
Most of them became homeless for the following reasons:
When you live together, and your partner tells you overnight that he/she wants a divorce, either of you must find another place to live. When the house is registered in your partner’s name, you are the one who has to find a new home. But if you’ve been playing the happy housewife/husband all this time, without income and work experience, it can be difficult to find somewhere else to live.
TIP #1: Rely entirely on your partner’s income and make sure all the major assets (house/car/furniture) are not owned by you
When someone is underinsured, there is a risk that a fatal accident will leave you with an unaffordable bill. Imagine someone who does not see the need to purchase a home contents insurance. Then, should a fire break out that turns your entire home to ashes, you will have no insurance coverage to fall back on and suddenly find yourself on the streets without a home.
Accidents always happen when you don’t expect them. For example: a car accident in an uninsured vehicle, an accident that puts you in a wheelchair while you don’t have health insurance, or a banana ride behind a speedboat on your vacation abroad without travel insurance. All it takes is one slip-up, and you could experience a (financial) crash. Not only can the bills be high, it becomes a lot harder to make money with a disability.
TIP #2: Get a high-risk job that involves heavy lifting and do not take out health insurance.
Many homeless people are forced out onto the streets because of a huge pile of debts they have accumulated over time. These debts also grow exponentially, due to interest and collection charges. It only takes a few months of overdue rent to cause a landlord to kick out the tenant.
The reasons why a person accumulates debt can vary. Some people are simply not good with money. They don’t know how much money is coming in and going out, and so they are always living on a lopsided balance of too much expense and too little income. Or they have become accustomed to a certain standard of spending with contractual obligations and don’t know how to pay for that lifestyle when they lose their income. Some people also get ripped off or scammed in terrible ways, with a lot of money going down the drain.
But perhaps the biggest contributor to debt is addiction. Addiction, as we’ll also see later, comes in various shapes and flavors. The most expensive addictions are shopping addictions, gambling addictions and substance addictions.
TIP #3: Take multiple credit cards, order items on installment and let bills go past their due dates.
No Social Safety Net
For many, the above events would not yet be the end of the world. They can always fall back on a social safety net. There will always be family members or friends that have a couch to crash on until they get back up on their feet. But many of the homeless live at odds with their families and have a circle of friends that only push them deeper into the pit.
TIP #4: Say goodbye to your parents, tell all your friends that they suck and make new friends under the bridge.
Almost every homeless person has an addiction and their main addiction is substance abuse. There are entire neighborhoods in Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Miami and Paris where drug-addicted addicts walk around like zombies. Their only way out is a guest role in The Walking Dead.
Often the culprit is crack, heroin or meth. Opiates are the best drugs on earth; they really give you the greatest feeling life has to offer. Unfortunately once you get a taste for that feeling, your life is close to being all over. Opiates are also the most addictive drugs on the planet. Once your body gets addicted, the withdrawal is pure hell. If you inject the stuff everyday, you will be completely addicted in a matter of a week. You’ll be surprised at how fast your tolerance goes up and how fast you will be craving the stuff.
An associated danger of injecting drugs are transmissible diseases. Among addicts, there is an increased incidence of blood-borne infections, including hepatitis B, hepatitis C, HIV, and bacteria that cause heart infections.
Everyone knows the dangers of heroin. But even drugs that are not necessarily classified as hard drugs can have a devastating effect on your life. These drugs will not destroy your life overnight, but they are like pinpricks that harm you a little bit each day.
Alcohol is socially accepted lubricant for social interactions, but it claims millions of victims every year. People lose jobs and relationships due to alcoholism, get into accidents because of drunk driving and develop liver failure. Because the impact is not visible after having a glass of two, much of the damage caused by alcohol goes unnoticed. Like cigarettes, cannabis, sleeping pills, painkillers, sedatives, sugar, saturated fat, alcohol is a stealth killer that often takes years to be noticed.
Click here for an inspiring list of the most addictive drugs.
TIP #5: Take any of the following drugs at least three times in a single week: heroin, morphine, codeine, crack, crystal meth, flakka, or krokodil. You can also take alcohol, NyQuil, Vicadin, Valium, OxyContin, Xanax, tobacco, cannabis, and/or cocaine for a couple years straight.
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
~ Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald
Committing a serious crime is an almost certain path to damnation. If you are caught for your felony and sentenced, you will lose your job, some of your friends and obtain a criminal record. With that criminal record, you will continue to have trouble finding a job even after you have served your time in prison and may not be able to travel freely between countries anymore.
Moreover, in prison you will socialize with fellow criminals who are undoubtedly there for a reason. The perfect group of friends to plot future criminal activities with. And after being deprived of female attention for a long time, the guys are always up for anal sex, so be sure to bring a bar of soap.
TIP #6: Pack 5 grams of cocaine in your suitcase to Colombia and wait to be sniffed by a police dog.
Sign Up For The Army
While only 8% of Americans can claim veteran status, 17% of the homeless population in the US is made up of veterans. Therefore, becoming a veteran gives you much better chances of becoming a hobo.
Some folks are born made to wave the flag and feel the obligation to ‘fight for their country’. They undergo dehumanizing military training, in which they are taught discipline and obedience through a strict hierarchy and mental and physical exertion. After that, you are sent to a faraway country to serve under false pretenses and supposedly contribute to peace.
Even if you come back from war with all your limbs in tact, you may take other things with you from your deployment. Many who served in Vietnam, Iraq or Afghanistan got hooked on drugs while there or had such intense experiences that they came home with PTSD. Many veterans find it difficult to transition into civilian life, due to these traumatic events and the vastly different demands of everyday life. Also, the public opinion about war has changed, which leads to some veterans being ridiculed and despised. They will be thanked for their service by the government, but the state subsequently does little to take care of its veterans.
TIP #7: Sign up as a soldier for the army and get deployed to a country where you can kill innocent civilians.
“The happiness of most people is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but by the repetition of slowly destructive little things.’’
~ Ernest Dimnet
6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person
by Jason Pargin
“Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you’re thrilled with your life, and you’re happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You’re doing a great job, we’re all proud of you.” Many people talk about the things that they are and what they would do, but actually do very little. This blog will give you a reality check and gets you off your ass.